“There's a race of men that don't fit in, A race that can't sit still; So they break the hearts of kith and kin, And they roam the world at will. They range the field and rove the flood, And they climb the mountain's crest; Their's is the curse of the gypsy blood, And they don't know how to rest.”
- Robert Service

Saturday, 26 March 2016

Indiana Gnomes and the Last Crusade

This is the story of one brave archaeologist in search of adventure - Indiana Gnomes. He'd learnt that the fate of the Holy Grail was in jeopardy, so made off to the Middle East to collect it and keep is safe for future generations.

It all began with a long journey to the middlest of the mid-eastern countries, Jordan. Gnomes found himself deep in the Wadi Rum desert, a region so dry and barren that it's best known as The Martian's stand-in for Mars. But shortly, Gnomes discovered he was ill-prepared for desert trekking.

 Dehydrated and exhausted, Gnomes realised he was in over his head. He had almost given up when he was discovered by a local Bedouin man.

Gnomes was extremely grateful for the man's assistance, though the Bedouin was equally as excited to meet an outsider to the desert. Gnomes rarely make this trek, you see. 

 After discussing his mission to the Bedouin Man, he was offered a camel as transport. Gnomes was thrilled to oblige, and the camels were all too happy happy for a featherweight load.

Along the way across the desert, Gnomes met with other local desert people, who offered him shelter from the sun and herbal tea as comfort. Gnomes was learning the the Jordanian people were extremely relaxed, friendly people who enjoyed sharing the company with others.

But his journey plodded on. He had continue his trek, and couldn't just drink tea all day. He came upon the northern ruins of Jaresh, where large Roman columns and amphitheatres stood proud and tall.  

Musicians watched over the ruins, and asked that Gnomes join in as they played. It was strange that they played the bagpipes, but the acoustics were fantastic!

Indy Gnomes continued his trek through Jordan, and soon he could just make out the carved stone facades that made up the grand city of Petra. Hopefully, the Grail would be inside!

 He reached the Treasury by nightfall. It was beautiful! So immense! So perfectly intact, despite thousands of years since its creation. But Gnomes would have to wait until daylight before venturing inside.

  ..It was kind of a long wait. But daylight did come eventually. It was time for him to grit his teeth and plough on.

Through a cavern and several doorways, Gnomes eventually made it into the city. But how would he know the location of the Grail?

 And then out the doorway, Gnomes found himself at a gift shop. It was fully serviced, and would accept Visa despite being at the top of a rocky outcropping. With so many trinkets and cups and statuettes, it would be nearly impossible to choose the true Grail from all of the false ones!

 Not really, though.

 But Gnomes had to stay on his toes. You see, It turns out that Gnomes dropped his wallet when he was lost in the desert! He would have to steal off with the Grail and excape!

 It took him a long time to get out of Petra. The city is about 7km long, and his legs are rather tiny. But he did get to see t he city at night again!

 Crossing the desert again took pure strength of will. He nearly dried out. But he had to keep going. He had to finish his mission....

...and catch his red-eye flight back home. His airline supper tasted all the better with the grail in hand. Gnomes had succeeded in his mission, and was extremely pleased with the adventure that came along with it. Perhaps he will go back again one day.

**This story is entirely fictional and no ancient relics were actually stolen. Actually, the true story doesn't even have the same timeline, nor were there any actual camel rides. The story also omits visits to overly salted seas, coral reefs, and castles. Indiana Gnomes isn't even his real name. This is story telling, not history-making. Yeesh.

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