13 Reasons "Nurses Are" Lists are Total Bull$#!t

With the constant barrage of "shared" articles on social media, and my rather large circle of friends who happen to be using social media constantly sharing these articles, I've developed a pet peeve. Well-meaninged people who want to promote their craft keep passing around lists extolling just how Fantastically Angelic all nurses are. I hate these articles.

Here are a few examples:

10 Reasons Why Nurses Are Amazing
7 Reasons Why Nurses Are Awesome
10 Reasons Why Nurses Are Awesome
10 (more) Reasons Why Nurses Are Awesome
27 Reasons Why Nurses Are Secretly Angels Living Among Us

Now, don't get me wrong, some of that stuff is within the realm of truth. The stuff about your poop and vomit - yeah, sure. I could easily eat my tuna sandwish for lunch after even the messiest of your "evacuations," but that doesn't excuse these articles from making me feel like I should be something that I really, really am not.

13 Reasons "Nurses Are" Lists are Total Bullshit 

1. There are approximately 170 million different types of nurses, none of which are ever represented in these articles. Whoever writes these seems to think that if you're a nurse, you must either work in the ER or in an adult Medical ward. So right away we're excluding pretty much everyone else in the profession. These articles can't even speak to a large percentage (like, probably 90%) of nurses they're even written about.

2. I eat. I don't always eat well, but I eat. If I didn't, you probably wouldn't think I was so nice. 

3. I pee. Sometimes I go for long periods without peeing on shift because I'm distracted, but if nature calls, I answer. My patients are the only ones allowed to pee on the floor, but even then -

4. Most of the time, I'm judging you. I'm judging your life choices, your parenting skills, your hygiene routines, why you waited so long before you came to hospital. It won't affect how I take care of you, but I don't - I can't - believe that all of my patients are all that great.

5. Sometimes, even though I care for you, I don't necessarily care about you. I have been randomly assigned to you and several other people in a given shift. Tomorrow, I likely won't remember your name because I've again been randomly assigned to several other different people. Sometimes, my goal is just to make sure you're still alive in 12 hours. Statistically, we won't be buddies, I won't ever see you again, and I don't have any emotional attachment to you. I won't be putting my life on the line for you. I'm not selfish - I'm at work. And that's if you're just an average Joe. If you're rude, demanding and "holier-than-thou," that's another story.

6.  If anything, Nurses are good people because we resist the urge to return the favour when we've been treated like garbage all day.

7. I don't always love my job. In fact, I probably love my job less often than when I think that Nursing is for crazy, self-loathing people. Nursing Burnout is real, and it pushes you into leaving nursing entirely after you've been trying to work past the emotional toll of remaining in a career that it more physically and mentally exhausting than you can cope with. But you keep doing it because people pat you on the back with these bullshit articles and tell you to "hang in there, you're doing a great job! You're special!"   

8. Nursing actually ruins your life. For those of you who work regular weekday jobs who keep thinking "Gee, I'd love to work a few long days in a row to get 5 days off in a row," you've got a wake-up call coming. For one, working 4 12-hour shifts in a row means that literally nothing gets done at home. My commute is only 12 minutes (by bike), but I still wake up for work at 6am, and I don't get back home until after 8pm. So now 14 hours of your day has been completely devoted to work. Did you pack three meals and snacks into your lunch pail? If not, you're now trying to make something for supper for yourself in that precious little time you have while awake at home, because it's back to bed by 10pm. So just pray you made sure to remember to do laundry and grocery shop before your workweek begins. For the other, I hope you didn't have any illusions about staying on that recreational soccer team, or going to those regularly-scheduled social activities. You'll get to go to, maybe 20% of those because you're either already at work or can't go because it's a worknight and it runs past your bedtime. So yay!

9. I don't always get along with my colleagues, and they're not always the support I need on a bad day at work. Working entirely with women can cause the types of drama that only Elizabeth Taylor could match. Cliques exist among fully grown women, and the saying that "nurses eat their young" (when more senior, burnt-out nurses bully newer, younger ones) is absolutely true. You can't always trust the nurses you work with when you need to decompress - some might see it as weakness and pounce. (See #4)

10. Nursing isn't necessarily our "calling." Many nurses choose the profession because it was the most financially responsible decision. It pays well. I have worked in communities where there weren't a lot of job opportunities close to home, but the local nursing home was the best employer in town. So the choice to work in health care didn't come about because you wanted to champion the rights and wellbeing of grandmas everywhere - you just wanted to make sure the mortgage was paid.

11. I haven't cared for a dying patient! I've never seen someone die. It's not something that happens where I've worked (see #1), so I'm not sure I'd even be any good at it. I'm guessing it'd be really awkward and involve me patting you or your loved one on the back, chiming "There, there." I don't have some sort of innate skill with this, and this is likely true for many other nurses. So please don't view me as some Mother Theresa figure who'd know how to sit at a bedside and comfort you in a way that would be smooth. 

12. I'm not even necessarily a good asset in an emergency. Yes, I have a lot of CPR training. But emergency first aid? Why? As a ward nurse, when I see my patients for the first time, they've already been through ER and have had all of the immediate problems dealt with. I don't splint broken bones. I don't stabilize and transport c-spine injuries. I don't deliver babies. I have all the diagnostic tools I need at my fingertips and there are rarely any real mysteries for me to deal with. Medical emergencies at the ball park or on an airplane would be a nightmare, and I have had other nurses tell me that if a general call-out was made for a Doctor or medical professional while in flight, they would duck their heads and hope nobody pointed them out. It's a huge liability and it could easily be something we're not equipped to take care of. I would help by calling 9-1-1 for you.

13. These articles generalize all nurses as having a set of traits that we simply cannot all have. We're not angels. We're people. We're people with our own issues, baggage and anxieties. We're not even all good people - just like the rest of you.  

 Author's Disclaimer: these are my own views and opinions, and may not represent the views of all nurses.

For Those Who Want to Know

In the last year, I’ve hardly written anything here. It’s not that there hasn’t been much to write about - in fact I’ve got pages and pages of things to write about - but I think I’ve just been content to do those things. That and I had a discussion with a tarot reader in New Orleans about finding the right audience for my travel stories. Basically I told her that I was conflicted about genuinely wanting to share my experiences with people but I was worried that my friends would start to feel like I just wouldn’t shut up about them. She told me to just not bring it up with people. I’ve now decided that if you’ve made the effort to come over and read my blog, you’re probably more interested than bored. Awesome!

 Here’s the recap from the last 12 months:

Summer 2014:
I went back to Camp Tanamakoon as Head Nurse. Though I came away exhausted, I love spending time with inspiring and adventurous young women (and a few young men). I’m going back this August!

Just a few of the Trippers and Camp Counsellors from Tan!

We travelled to Alberta for by bestie’s wedding. Finally! After the festivities were over, Mike and I met up with some friends in Banff for a couple of solid days of hiking and merriment. Fun Fact: It’s always a good idea to rent the “vintage swimsuit” for $2 when visiting the Banff hot springs. We finished that trip off by driving the Jasper parkway. This would not be the last encounter with glaciers this year!

I'm pretty sure these suits were unisex. And there was only one (older) other lady in the pool rocking this sassy number

To round out the summer, I took Mike on his first backcountry canoe trip in Killarney. We made great pace and paddled ahead of schedule (good thing, too, because the last 30 hours of the trip were in a downpour), and Mike turned into a real CanoeHead! Despite the work and the rain, I’ve got him on board for another trip this year…

Carefully maneuvering the canoe beyond the mud

 Autumn 2014:

For some reason, we keep travelling to cold places when it’s cold out already. The windy city did not disappoint. Chicago was both windy and cold. Good thing they have great pizza. We tried to visit most of the Ferris Bueller landmarks, took in some improv comedy, and followed quite a few architectural tours. The Second City  has some prime design! We were lucky enough to get to go skating under the glare of the giant bean, too.

Getting cultured at the Modern Art Gallery

 By November, we were tired enough of Sudbury’s chill and bee-lined it to Orlando. Mike has been wanting to show me the “Magic of Disney” since I first told him I’d never been to a Disney park, so I caved. And in the end I really did have a great time! Rides and movies aside, one of my favourite parts of  Disney World was dressing up every day. The official rulebook says that if you’re over age 6, you can’t dress in costume, but they don’t say anything about dressing up Disneybound. On more than one occasion, my character-suggestive outfit garnered a “right this way, Princess” from a staff member. I’d go again just to do that!

This is Mike's favourite photo. He wasn't as much a fan of the twirling teacups as I obviusly was.

 Winter 2015:

As always, we went home at Christmas. It’s nice to do the fam-jam thing, and we got a couple of days of snowboarding in at Sun Peaks. Our first adventure of 2015 was to visit Mont Tremblant! A friend of ours had warned us that it would be cold, but I had no idea! Thankfully, I’d brought along hand warmers. But still! The great terrain was worth it, though.

Stopping in Ottawa on the way home, we made sure to skate the canal and eat a beaver tail!

 February was busy with Tommy!, but it was enough to tide us over until early March when we met our friends again in Utah for a ski week at Park City. Lucky for us, it snowed almost 40cm on our first night. Best powder I’ve ever been on! We were able to check out the terrain at three different mountains, and on our two off days we poked around the Mormon Tabernacle, and took a road trip out to Arches National Park (which I would highly recommend!). It was along day, but the views were fantastic.

One of the smaller arches in the park, but damn we had great sunlight!

 Spring 2015

We found ourselves in New Orleans at Easter. As it turns out, Louisiana is quite pleasant in the spring. To boot, though we weren’t in the Big Easy for it’s most famous festival, there were three parades on Easter Sunday - my favourite being the “Gay Easter Parade.” Just think of all the fabulous Drag Queens in their Easter bonnets. Yassssss! Other highlights included the cemetery tour, an airboat ride to the swamps where we fed marshmallows to gators, and visits to voodoo landmarks (both fun and strange). Also the food. One day I’m sure that everything I ate was fried -breakfast to midnight snack.

Obviously we'd visit "Mardi Gras World" while in New Orleans.

 Next up, Mike ticked another goal off of his bucket list, and we travelled to Cozumel to learn how to scuba. It was a big change from our other trips because on some days, there really wasn’t much for us to do except drink a beer by the water. We earned out Open Water dive tickets in three days, and then went out on a charter boat trip to a large reef. I spotted a sea turtle and a ray, and some from our group saw a couple of nurse sharks! It took me a while to get the hang of it all, and the strong currents didn’t help much, but I hope we get to go diving again soon because it really was great to see sea life so close up. On a “day off” from diving, we travelled to the main land to visit some Mayan ruins, one of which we were able to climb to the top of. Lucky us - most of the other ruins won’t allow this anymore.

"Atop a Mayan ruin, Sarah gets sacrificed for the good of the group."

 Most recently, we adventured to Iceland. It’s truly the land of ice and fire (despite what George R. R. Martin thinks**) where volcanoes and glaciers meet and trolls and gnomes hideaway in. In another life, I might have preferred to go when the weather was a bit warmer and the grass was a little greener, but it still turned out to be a fantastic trip. Mike and I rented a small car and ventured to drive the ring road in a week. We could easily have taken two weeks to do it - there’s simply so much to see, and so many great walks and hikes. You hardly even have to leave the road to see things - grand waterfalls just spill over within sight.  One of my favouite activities was visiting a volcanic formation that is the backdrop to many stories about elves, but in particular about Iceland’s Christmas Elves - the Yule Lads. Rather than having one father Christmas, there are 13 lads and one comes by each night until Christmas. They have rather peculiar names too - like “Spoon Licker” and “Sausage Stealer.” Our last two nights were spent in the capital city - Reykjavik - where we joined the Saturday night life (which doesn’t even start until 1am…when the sun is still out) and I tried out one of Iceland’s most infamous foods - Hakarl!

**Several scenes in Game of Thrones have actually been filmed in Iceland.

1:30am, Reykjavik

 I'm not able to upload my favourite video from Iceland to this blog, so I'll make sure it hits facebook. Spoiler: Anthony Bourdain calls Hakarl "the worst food he's even eaten" for a very good reason.

Post-Show Posit

Elton playing Piano-Pinball next to Tommy in the movie version

So according to my last post, I've finally reached stage 6 of the creative process. At this point, though, I don't think it's as simple as "boom, I got shit done." because as the hours count down until the very last performance tonight I'm hit with the sad realization that I will no longer have the pleasure to work on this project anymore.

Of course, I'm not leaving empty handed. For one, working so closely with so many people over several months, I've got at least a couple new contacts in my address book - people who like doing thing that I also like doing. For another, an unexpected side effect has been drawing off the energy of such a young, vibrant, and exciting group of people. TBH, I feel super young and hip. Like, so cool. But really, being around this cast I've felt as if those little dusty corners of myself have been brushed out and I remember what it's like to be excited about everything. It's so easy to get settled, and doing this play has helped me to shake things up a bit.

Now, I haven't done any grocery shopping in, like, three weeks but who's really keeping track.

Shameless Self Promotion

It's been a long time since I wrote anything, but now's as good a time as any, since I actually have something to advertise!

On January 1, 2014, I resolved to go back to the theatre. At the time, I told myself that the goal was to get back to "my people" and get involved in a community that I'd been missing a lot since I started nursing. My last show was 8 years ago**. So back in October I gathered my courage all up in a little pile and I auditioned for a local production. Truth be told, I was misty-eyed on the drive home from that audition because I was convinced I was terrible and as rusty as grandpappy's old tractor.

for reference

Turns out I was able to fool them into letting me come and play in their gang.

It's been quite a journey, re-teaching the pipes to sing in harmony and sweeping the cobwebs out of my dancing-feet for this production. It's felt a lot like when I undertake a craft project:

Stage 1: Excitement. You get all your little ducks in a row and fondle all of your new things
Stage 2: Realization. You start to see that this "little project" will require perhaps more time and committment that you originally thought. But it's still fun and I have this totally under wraps.
Stage 3: WTF, Please Stop. The stage where you're neck deep and you'd pull the ripcord if it weren't for the fact that you'd be a real d-bag if you stopped now. It feels overwhelming and you're convinced that it'll never, ever get finished. Why am I doing this again? Will this ever end? Did I think this would be fun somehow?
Stage 4: Girding Your Loins. Something in your frazzled head clicks and you're able to muster up a little more motivation to work a little harder to finish that one thing that has been bogging you down in the project. There is often drinks or coffee involved.
Stage 5: Satisfaction. You see that you're now on the downward slope and you're nearing completion. You're now just doing the finishing touches and you can see all of your hard work coming together.
Stage 6: Completion. You've done it! (And you forget somehow how much work it took so you'd defintely do it again, easy) Mic drop.

All that said, I think I'm somewhere betwen Stage 3 and 4 right now. But things are coming together and I am starting to believe again that this show is going to be plenty of fun! Now, onto that shameless self-promotion I mentioned before...

If you live in Sudbury, the show runs this month on:
12, 13, 14, 19, 20, 21, 26, 27 & 28 at 8pm
15 & 22 at 2pm

For more information regarding tickets and bookings, head to the Theatre Cambrian webpage

What's this show about, you say? Well folks, the easiest explanation is that it's a Rock-Opera cronicling the life of a deaf, dumb, and blind kid who plays pinball really. really well. The Show was written primarily by Pete Townsend of The Who in 1969, and was released as a rock album. It wasn't performed as a broadway-style musical until 1992, however it was released as a film in 1975. The show isn't for the faint of heart, though. This disabled kid doesn't have a stellar childhood and includes being intensely bullied by his two-faced cousin and molested by his drunk uncle who later tries to exploit his pinball-wizardry. Nice, guys.

For a more in-depth explanation of the show, I highly reccomend this wikipedia article.

As an aside, I saw this show two years ago at the Stratford Festival and it was brillant. They still have a few videos from the show posted here, and I'm especially fond of the scene where Tommy plays pinball and the machine lifts and spins and shoots fireworks (see "I'm free-Pinball Wizard Reprise"). Additionally, it was directed by Des McAnuff, Stratford's Artistic Director and Pete Townsend's original homie when he wrote the show. Rad.

So, come see the show! Support theatre in your community! I dance and sing and play many characters, including (but not limited to): Hearing Specialist #6, War Bride #4, Paratrooper #8, Local Lass, Sex Fiend #2! Yes, you read that correctly. Extra! Extra! Fun times for all, Big and Small!


**For the record, the last time I did a show, Facebook didn't exist and I looked like this:

Josie Pye, Gilbert Blythe, Diana Barry and Myself- "Anne" in '06

It's Just a Swing, Right?

I Have been meaning to share this video with you for a while. I keep thinking about it, and then giggling to myself. It's an inside joke that nobody knows about except for me....which makes it just a lame inside joke. But now you will see!!

Here's the backstory:

While we were in Queenstown, New Zealand, Mike and I knew that we  had to get in on the action that brings people to town - the insane adventure sports! We tried Canyoning again. We took a trip on a jet boat up river. Both easy-peasy on the "WTF have I gotten myself into?" scale. But I knew something bigger was coming. Mike had suggested it weeks earlier, and every day that I woke up in the campervan, I remembered we were one day closer to the thing that I was flipping out about. BUNGEE.

uuugh. Bungee. I flip-flopped endlessly about whether I should have done it. If you don't do it, you'll regret it forever. If you do decide to do it, you might literally shit your pants as they push you off....and the ride back up to the platform won't be pretty. I was having heart palpatations about the whole deal, all the while conflicted because I acknowledged that I already have a weird predilection for thinking about jumping off of high places (but that's another story, better saved for the shrink, I think....)

Anyway, on Go-Day I was faced with the choice. If I paid up (and a steep fee, indeed) but didn't jump I'd be both embarrassed and without a refund. 

And lo, option C came down upon me - The Nevis Swing! Peace of cake! I thought. No free fall, so it'll feel far less dangerous! I assumed.

Oh God. Please just watch the video and see just how "Peace of Cake-y" it was for me. Mike, on the other hand, decided to combo his thrills and tandem with me in addition to jumping off the bungee. He was so chill about it, he nonchalently asked if he could do the swing upside down. Showoff. Transcription below.

00:40 "Why am I doing this?"

00:49 "I can't believe you're doing this upside down"

01:03 "omigod"

01:08 Michael says something about how this should be easy.

01:09 "Shutup"

01:10 Bungee guy (BG) tells me to look at the camera and act like I'm not scared witless

01:19 BG "Come on now, give us a brave face"

01:20 F*%k

01:26 BG gives explanation about how I'm supposed to sit down and let my feet dangle over the edge

01:30 BG: "you can't go anywhere yet, love" Me: "WAIT!"

01:35 BG: "You can do it, just find your way down"

01:38 Me: "Holy F*&k!"

01:40 BG: "You can do it, you're still not going to go anywhere"

01:42 ME: "Sweetie, look at me. Am I going to live?" Mike:" Yes you are....nobody's died yet"

01:55 ME: "Don't say that last word!"

02:00 - explanation of how Mike is going to ride this beast upside down...

03:07 Me: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

I have never screamed so genuinely in my life. I'm pretty sure I was still screaming as we passed the river. We have legit free-fall for FAR longer than I was expecting, and with the weight balanced so high, I went down almost face first.

Mike later said that he'd never seen me so frighetened in his life. I second that.

But watching this video again, I laugh every time I see myself do this. Well worth the loss of a pair of clean pants!

 

There's Something in the Wind

My last post seems like an awfully long time ago. Truthfully, I've been meaning to write sooner, but I just really didn't think much interesting has happened. (Of course there has....)

The other day I had a "moment." I realized something that I just didn't 'get' before. Since Michael and I have taken up adventuring, the usual routine when things are ending is for me to be sad the trip is over, but happy that I get to return to the comforts of home. Michael could care less about these things, and usually pines on about just travelling for ever and ever, quite content not to return home at all. "That's so weird!" I would say. "Don't you  miss sleeping in your own bed, and showering in a tub that you know is clean? I love cozying up with a cup of tea and my knitting, and I can't bring those things with me when we're backpacking!" To which Michael would reply "not really. Not as much as I miss getting up every morning and knowing your job is to do only the things you want to do, and see something new and exciting every day!" And in a way, I didn't really get it. Of course I love getting out and seeing great things and trying weird foods and learning new cultures and all that jazz, but I didn't see it the same way Michael does. I could only stand being "uncomfortable" while I knew there would be a soft bed and my comfort things waiting for me later. (like the way you can stand backcountry camping for a while....)


But since I've been back to Sudbury, I've been restless, somehow. Bored. I make a to-list for myself almost every day, mostly to keep myself occupied. Most often, the list has at least a few of the same things on it, every day. Laundry. Clean the kitchen. Go to the gym. Clean something else. I add in "fun" things to keep the list less tedious, but even those things are the same (knitting. reading. watch favourite-tv-show-du-jour.) and I've been feeling rather uninspired. Yes, of course I should probably just put in a few other interesting things on my list, but that's not what I'm getting at. The other day, as I was standing in the gym thinking about the other things on my list that I really wasn't interested in doing, I thought "Man, I would not be having this problem if I was backpacking somewhere." And then I went "OoooOOh! I get it! This is the bit Michael has been getting at!"


So in honour of this lightbulb moment, I will be thankful for all of the adventures I have been on since I returned from Sudbury and fill you in.

May:

I did a whirlwind day trip to Vancouver once I'd returned to Kamloops. Got on a greyhound bus at 3am, started my day in the city at 8 and walked around the city (shopping!), met a good friend at a wonderful café, and then hopped back on the bus at 6pm for the 5 hour return ride. I missed that city.

I took a wonderful friend of mine to Las Vegas for her bachelorette party. Highly memorable, though for obvious reasons I can't tell you much about it...except this picture:

of course Whistler the Gnome came to Vegas. As if!

June:

Michael and I moved into our new apartment! Our landlords are dope and let me plant pumpkins in the backyard. Hardwood floors and a front door, to boot. I still have to bike to work and there's an extra ( as in, extra high) hill between me and my workday, but it's manageable.

July:

In July, I ran away to summer camp. Camp Tanamakoon was wonderful for me last year, and really helped me to love being a nurse again. So how could I say no? Actually, the camp director asked me if I wanted to come back in January. I was sitting in a hotel room in Varanasi, and I had no idea if we were even going to be moving back to Sudbury at all, but even if we didn't I knew I could make it work. It was a good choice. Exhausting, yes. But I have some great memories to show for it!

Just a couple of the stellar young Counsellors and Trippers at camp!

Who wouldn't want to wake up to this every work day?

Mike and I also attended a sweet party in Toronto at the Royal Ontario Museum. This ain't no dusty-bones fete. It's a strobe-lit-live-band-street-food excellent night. I reccomend you attend if you're in the area. Dinosaurs are so much cooler under black-lights.

August:

This was the grandest of our summer adventures, I'd say. But I'll try and be concise. My wonderful, beautiful friend Michaela was finally getting married in Edmonton and had asked me to be in the wedding party. Michael and I took this as an opportunity to see some friends and conquor the Rockies! Though Michael's plane ticket was mixed up and I had to fly to Edmonton alone, I was easily able to pick up the rental car and drive down to Calgary (with a short stop at the outlet mall en route) just in time for Michael's rescheduled flight to arrive. We met our friends in Banff for a couple of days of sweet hiking and excellent brewskies.

We four hiked to both mountain tea houses at Lake Louise. The 20km trek was rewarded with mint juleps at the castle's lounge.

But after our friends left us, Mike and I continued up the Jasper Parkway, through the mountains. Such excellent mountains! We stayed in "wilderness hostels" along the way, which I would highly reccomend if you're a budget traveller. They're like basic cabins the the woods (and don't have running water), far away from the tourist hoards.

I am demonstrating the gacier bahind me, called "The Claw"

This is pretty much standard fare south of Jasper.

The second half of the week was spent helping to set up Michaela's wedding. The wedding was beautiful, the bride looked fantastic, and we all cried when they said their vows. A highlight was hearing the groom (an accountant) profess "Dear Michaela, I love you very much and I'm so glad that I can finally change our status to 'married' on our tax returns." No joke. This was his opening line. I love these people! I was also in awe of how Michaela kept herself composed when her father took ill and had to leave the wedding just after the ceremony. She was phenomenal, and helped the party go on as if nothing was amiss. (She's very nearly a doctor, and I think that helps).

Later on in the month, I hosted an Indian -themed evening. While we were in Udaipur I was lucky to take in a cooking class and I'd brought home all the recipes. But what fun is that unless you can cook for your friends! Michael made sure to keep everyone entartained with an English-dubbed version of Jai-Ho, the Bollywood film we went to see when we were in Agra. Think: What would it look like if Sylvester Stallone tried to make a serious drama? (also, we decided against taking shots everytime someone went through a pane of glass. Oh God.)

September:

Well, I suppose this chapter is just beginning. On Monday, we leave for a backcountry canoe trip through Killarney Provincial Park. I'm trying to convince Michael that this can be fun, though I'm starting to wonder that the 50km route might be....adventurous? I'm quite sure it'll be manageable, but either way it'll be memorable! Plus, I'm really quite excited to put paddle into water. I haven't done a trip like this in many years and I think of them as a bit of a rite of passage.

October:

Our planned adventure is to finally try WWOOFING. Michael's scouted a farm on Manitoulin Island where we hope to learn hands-on about local and organic farming. So, basically our next two adventures are about learning how to stretch our arms around trees to hug them tighter!

Lion-o, Lord of the Thundercats vs. He-man of Castle Greyskull‏

Since I've returned home, I've spent a little time going through my 
inbox hoping to purge old bits and pieces. I found this. Full credit 
goes to Michael for this piece, which he claims he wrote in 3 hours at work in 2006.

"After painstaking research and much intense deliberation, I henceforth
present my findings on the subject of Lion-o, Lord of the Thundercats vs.

He-man of Castle Greyskull.
 

To start, I must emphasize the utter ridiculousness of such a proposition; 
everyone knows that these cartoon characters do not exist on the same 
planet.  It is an indisputable fact that Lion-o is an inhabitant of the 
planet Third Earth, a realm existing slightly to the future of ours, and of 
parallel to that of the hobbit.  In fact, it is widely accepted that the 
climate is not unlike that of the Middle-Earthian Shire.  Both have proven 
ideal in supporting hairy anthropomorphic life forms.  For that reason 
alone, Third-Earth shall henceforth be referred to as the wussy planet with 
all the pussycats.
 
He-man, conversely, valiantly roams Eternia protecting the immense power of 
Castle Greyskull from the forces of evil.  After he has spent the day 
courageously and benevolently shit-kicking all the evil down in the dark 
hemisphere, he resumes the noble role of Prince of Eternia.  Here we also 
see, in contrast to Lion-o, a feline having no complex about the size of his 
manhood.  Battlecat cunningly presumes the meek role of Cringer, where he 
will lull all that is evil into a false security, setting them up for a 
repetition of this day's shit-kicking, tomorrow.
 
At this point I shall present an objective and balanced critique of their 
powers.  He-man, of Castle Greyskull draws his power from a damn cool 
castle, shaped like a skull.  He also has the ability to talk to the 
Sorceress of Greyskull using only his mind - that's telecommunication, Kyle.

Furthermore, He-man shows undeniable similarity* to MI6 secret agent Sir 
Sean Connery (henceforth reverently referred to as He) who, using a 
combination of multi-variable calculus and a Schrodinger's equation, has 
been mathematically proven to be the coolest guy ever.  Also, and this may 
be the coup de grâce, He-man has a green tiger.  Simply put, by the power of 
Greyskull, He-man is The-man.
 
*Figure 1:

He-man has Man-at-Arms to develop wicked-cool new weapons     
He-man is a prince in his spare time                                            
He-man is rather muscular, with manly-handsome hair                  
He-man always prevails over evil, and has a pussycat                    
 
He has Q 
He is a knight
There is no disputing the manly-handsomeness of Him 
He always prevails and ends up with a woman called Octopussy, Pussy Galore, or Holly Goodhead.

Lion-o, for his part, fits the technical definition of freak of nature.  A 
child wandering around in an adult's body, he feels the need to compensate 
for this shortcoming (though most definitely not his only shortcoming) with 
his sword.  According to the world's foremost authority on everything and 
infinitely accurate resource, Wikipedia, “When unused, the sword is no 
larger than a dagger.  But when excited it will extend to full size.  Also, 
by pointing the sword in any direction and using a battle cry of "HO!", the 
sword is able to fire devastating energy blasts.”  This overt phallic 
compensation leads us to the important question of whether the Thundercats 
would cease to exist if not for that sheltered, wussy pussycat world of 
theirs.  To an analytical mind it would seem the driving factor behind this 
team would disappear in a technologically advanced world such as ours, where 
"fast and proven methods of penile-enlargement" and "wet, naughty 
schoolgirls" arrive in our email on a thrice-daily basis.  To the unbiased, 
scientific mind the answer to this conundrum, and possibly the resolution to 
the unending war on Third-Earth, could be gleamed from the wisdom of Dr. 
Phil: “Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and 
frustration.”  Supplementary to the latter, it is of curious importance to 
note that Lion-o's company seems to be predominately male.  But before we 
start to lose our objectivity, we must finish our scientific look at Lion-o. 
  He seems to always have in his possession a pretty little jewel, to which 
he credits all of his strength.  This, it shall be observed, is not 
necessarily a unique weakness.  It is, in fact, a plight suffered by many of 
history’s great warriors from the likes of Samson, to Golem, to Linus Van 
Pelt.  To sum him up, Lion-o puts the pussy in pussycat.
 
In conclusion, I propose that if these two forces ever came across each 
other in battle it would look something like a Shamrock-Ortiz fight, 
specifically the second and third editions.  Furthermore, I propose He-man, 
the valiant and just warrior that he is, would not accept battle from an 
anthropomorphic freak of nature.  A statistical analysis of the situation 
reveals the most probable outcome is Battlecat engaging Lion-o in a fight to 
the pain, and finishing said fight in approximately 3 seconds of pure 
awesome.
 
 
Q.E.D"